Monday, December 7, 2009


No, Tiger Woods's (that's correct,even if it looks stupid) rampant affairs didn't inspire me to write again after 3 months. (It was boredom.) But, now that the body count is up to 9, I have to say, really? I mean, the story almost made sense when he had a longstanding affair with that Rachel girl. Ok, you have your girl when you're traveling and it's wrong and all, but it's only one. I'm expecting the headline on CNN tomorrow to be: PALIN COMES CLEAN: "I SLEPT WITH TIGER". I would actually believe it. If it was on Drudge, I'd definitely believe it. That brings me to my next point: if I ever get ridiculously famous, I just won't get married. "But you could have a Swedish model!" Yeah, but after having pussy thrown at me every day, I'd eventually break down. It's like an alcoholic going sober and then having a bottle of booze delivered to your door every day. And the booze is smoking hot.

I think holidays are just an excuse to do something that's not acceptable during any other part of the year.
Christmas: you can have a tree in your house and drink egg nog
Halloween: dress in silly costumes
Easter: laugh mercilessly as your children fail at finding eggs hidden in the floor boards
July 4th: blow stuff up
Mother's Day: call home (kidding! I love you mom!)

So i did some cardio after I lifted today and noticed that my body would barely move. You know how you're exhausted after playing a football game and your body just has nothing left? That was minute 2. Then I realized that I was hungover half of yesterday and barely ate. I hate it when Biochem works in the real world.

I love fantasy football. There's really no funny comment that goes with this, I just really like it.
Other things I enjoy: ice cream, waking up in the middle of the night and thinking my alarm when off but it's really 4am and I get to sleep more, snow on trees, the day after going out seeing someone that was out with me and both of our immediate reactions are to laugh, fireworks, fire in general, girls working out in tights, Bill Simmon's mailbag.

So I have a random level of control over my dreams. Not like I can break out a Hatori Hanzo sword whenever I feel like it, but I've started to notice when something doesn't make sense, so then I realize I'm dreaming. Since that's been happening, my subconscious has then had me "wake up" but I'll still be dreaming. I feel like my mind is playing a practical joke on me. And my only retaliation is to get super wasted and fall asleep. Then not only is my physical brain terrorized by 10 shots of Wild Turkey, but my unconscious has to deal with thoughts of dragons wearing hockey helmets.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

So Easy a Caveman can do It

I found a new webcomic called "Partially Clips". It's hilarious.

I love the Geico Caveman commercials. I know they've been around forever, but they're still funny. The ad campaign hasn't stagnated and lost the creativity, it's still the same joke, but it's continuously done well. Like the bowling commercial where the caveman hits a strike and the pin clearer comes down and it says Geico. Maybe it's because we can all sympathize with the cavemen because their "Geico sign" is that annoying thing in our lives that keeps showing up everywhere we go. It's like right after you get bit by a dog, there are dogs everywhere all of a sudden, or after a breakup, you see your ex all over. I say, keep up the cavemen, but I'd like to see it get more ridiculous. A caveman takes a girls shirt shirt off and she's wearing a Geico bra. Or, they go on vacation to Mexico to get away from everything and the Geico gecko shows up. And then that techno music starts playing and those eyes are staring at them....

I'm trying to think of something that went from out of control awesome to marginally terrible as much as Heroes did. The first season was so well written and addicting. After watching the 2nd and half of the 3rd season, it kinda killed the series for me. This was probably an idea someone had kicking around in his head for a while and then realized how awesome it was. The problem came in when they were expected to produce a second season. The quality planning and plot ran out at the end of the first season. Kinda like Club Dread after Super Troopers.

And seriously girls, when you get married, keep your maiden name somewhere on your facebook name. Julie 'Smith' Reed is completely fine. We can see that you got married, and then I can still remember who you are. High school was a long time ago, and honestly, everyone has gained a lot of weight.

Wouldn't it be cool if I could just play some 80's music and read my notes in different positions and then learn everything in just 2 minutes? Someone needs to create the "Study Montage" so I have more free time on the weekends...

Monday, August 24, 2009

What's the Year Again?

"I was born back in '84"
"Remember back in '97 when we went down to Florida?"
"I was in the class of '03"
"We're trying to have all hybrid busses by '10"

That last one just doesn't sound right. I don't know if it's the monosyllabacy (that's totally a word) or maybe just because it's new. This seems like kinda a big deal. A few months from now we're all going to start using an awkward year convention. Maybe just saying "2010" will be the answer, and it sounds more futuristic, so that's a plus.

Zoolander may be the greatest movie in the past 20 years. Contributing to that is the scene towards the end where Maury is telling Mugatu that he has everything backed up on his computer. He lays down the trump card with "I have two words for you: Zip Disk!" Anyone that's under 20 is going to think "What's a Zip Disk?" I love how they were supposed to be the next big thing and were replaced within a year. However, Zoolander solidified their place in esoteric reference history. "I have words for you: Sega Saturn!"

Alright, why does the WNBA still exist? I don't mean to downplay the talent of the women or women's sports in general, but are they making ANY money? It's like watching little league when there's a perfectly good baseball game on another channel. And as much as I hate summer due to the lack of sports, I still have no interest in watching mediocre basketball. Some things are great breakthroughs when they first start, but then need to die.
After writing all that, here's a fun quote from the WNBA wiki page: "Finance

So far the WNBA has not mirrored the monetary success of the NBA, though it targets profitability. While some teams do make a profit (and others break even), most of the teams in the WNBA lose money each season. Losses are subsidized by the NBA; in 2003, news surfaced that the NBA spent up to $12 million a year to help pay for the WNBA losses but no recent article has been published with updated numbers since then.

However, in a March 12, 2009 article, NBA commissioner David Stern said that in the bad economy, "the NBA is far less profitable than the WNBA. We're losing a lot of money amongst a large number of teams. We're budgeting the WNBA to break even this year." [10]"

That's kinda like a guy at the World Series of Poker losing $2 million on the last hand and the woman playing penny slots in the back piping up "But I only lost $40!"

Now that I'm taking Pharm this year, my spam e-mail just became a minefield. My professor could be e-mailing me all sorts of drug offers. Just because "New drug promises EXTREME weight-loss" is the subject line, doesn't mean it's not legitimate. However, I would like to avoid any creepy e-mails from my professor promising to enlarge my penis. (Please save your 'small penis' remarks for the comments section.)

It seems like every year we go over some ridiculous concept that I can't believe they're actually presenting to a group of medical students. "This is the structure of an antibody." WHY would you need to show us that?
(That was for all the nerds who love puns.)

Thursday, August 20, 2009

And We're Back

Remember how in 1st grade you go out and get your notebooks and pencils two weeks before school started? I think I grabbed a random binder I had in my room the morning before my first class. My back to school shopping consisted of me looking around my room and removing notes from last year.

Have you seen those commercials for They remind me of the Snuggie commercials. You don't use Bing and all of a sudden you start banging on your keyboard like a monkey on amphetamines.

"What movies are playing?"
"Movies, films, filmstrip, vacation photos, vacation spots in Mexico, Montezuma's Revenge, diarrhea."

Seriously? Who can't do a Google search and not end up with nothing related to your topic? Yeah, there's crap out there, but it's not like Google gives you random crap, it's actually pretty accurate. That all being said, I tried out Bing and it was comparable.

As much as I miss football season, I'm still pretty undecided about preseason football. It's like a strip club in that it's kinda what you want, but it's never as good as the real thing. The one part I do like is the 'televised job interview' aspect of it. Especially after the first two strings are taken out, you know the guys on the field aren't on the team for sure yet. Every time a pass hits a wide open receiver in the hands, I have to wonder if his wife is at home screaming, "Dammit! You either catch that ball or you're working at Wal-Mart!" Because you know he's not qualified for anything else...

Also, I'm happy that everyone finally turned against Brett Favre. I hated him before it was cool, but I'm happy to have you all on my side. And the worst part? I really thought he was gone this year. That was an extra slap in the face. "Oh, his shoulder is torn and he wasn't going to operate on it. Ok, that has to be it." And then all this. I do like the storyline for when they play the Packers, but I can't imagine wanting to ever turn on ESPN that week. All I'm gonna see is purple and green. I'd throw in some simile, but NOTHING is purple and green. The best part? This shirt.

I have a new favorite chemical compound: Peroxynitrite. It's chemical formula is ONOO-. "OH NOOOOOOOOOO!" You know, because it causes cancer.

Friday, May 29, 2009


Welcome to the 10 o'clock news. Top story today is the alleged steroid use of NASCAR racer Jimmie Johnson. There had been suspicion for a while now, but after failing a drug test by having nine times the allowable amount of testosterone in his blood, Jimmie has been suspended. And yes, NASCAR apparently has drug testing. If you remember back to 2006, Johnson had just won the Daytona 500 and instead of the usual burnout, he picked up his car and ran a victory lap. At the time Lowe's spokesman Bill Nelson said it was just the adrenaline, but Joey Logano contended that that was impossible, no matter how excited he was. Not two years later Johnson once again drew attention during the poll qualifying runs at the Allstate 400 when he set a Brickyard record by getting out of his car and running 187.160 mph. That's when the investigation got into full swing. Multiple inquiries were made and 18 of the drivers were interviewed about Johnson's behavior on and off the track. Tuesday's drug test removed all speculation and all but condemned Johnson. There's been no comment from Johnson or Lowe's racing, but NASCAR drug enforcement official, Steven McNichols said, "What? Umm, we'll suspend him for 2 days? Who cares?"

(For those of you who want to fact check, you'll find this surprisingly accurate, and anyone who's a NASCAR fan will get the one extra joke. I had to look it up.)

While reading Dr. Pettigrew's notes on sleep, I couldn't help but appreciate the irony that I was getting drowsy. It wasn't that it was boring, it was just that I was doing med school stuff. used a phrase and I've been trying to work it into a post for a while but I just don't see it happening. The phrase was "That's so _______ it's almost racist." It just struck me as hilarious for some reason. Like, "That CFMP exam was so ridiculous it was almost racist."

I don't feel like this year is ending at all. I've been at such a high level of thinking for the past 9 months, it's gonna be kinda hard to come down. Kinda like over Christmas break when I couldn't calm down the first week. Wednesday night will hopefully be a good transition. Lately my liver has been bored. It'll regret complaining in about 5 days.

Have you ever really thought about reading? What you're doing right now. You're staring at a bunch of connected lines and it makes sense. How is that possible? Look at the lines. It becomes super hard to read. You can't just do that, you have to just take it in and let your brain decode the symbols. Looking at pictures that tell a story makes sense because you just have to fill in the transitions, but actual writing is just weird. Also, does anyone else see pictures when they read? When I read, I don't see the words, my mind just shows pictures. It's kinda weird. Like I could swear I saw some things in the Harry Potter movies, but they were actually in the book. It's kinda cool.

There was just a commercial for kgb, the service you text questions to. Do they not know you could just call someone with internet access or just have a friend with 3G. Either way, it seems like that service isn't exactly in huge demand. (Sidenote: I ended that first sentence with a preposition. Not grammatically correct, but it sounds more normal than "the service to which you text questions.")

This is the last post of the year. I've got lots of studying to do for the last exams, so I probably should concentrate on that. I hope you all enjoyed this, thanks for your comments. Have a great summer.

Monday, May 25, 2009


How have we gone through an entire class about neurology and we haven't once talked about zombies? Why do they eat brains? What special sustenance do they get from the collection of neurons? Is it the myelin? I bet it's the myelin.

So I was trying to construct a clever joke about an "uncal herniation" (you know, 'uncle'), but it just wasn't happening. It's not that good of a joke to begin with, so no big loss.

Lesions in your non-dominant parietotemporal area that diminish your ability to understand music give rise to a symptom called 'amusia'. I feel like that's inconsiderate. I don't find anything amusing about that....

How cool are neglect syndromes? Your body completely ignores one side and doesn't even acknowledge that side as belonging to itself. That's super weird because you can see your arm physically connected to the rest of your body, but your brain doesn't see it as important. It's stuff like that that makes neurology ridiculous. And then people figured out the pathways of why that happened is even more amazing. Brain and Behavior has definitely given the most interesting diseases, even if we'll never see most of them. I feel like if I became a neurologist, I'd seek out patients with weird disorders just because they're interesting. One of the most odd and probably least suffering causing lesions are when they mess with the valence system. The patient doesn't really care that they're disabled because their brain doesn't interpret the disability as significant. Ignorance truly is bliss. Also, I did the antisaccade test on myself. I even know which finger I was moving, and it was still hard.

FML break:

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

We're finally done with CBLs. I'm so happy med school has taught me how to half-ass a Powerpoint.

I like the weird, semi-practical stuff we learn in school. Like the anatomical reason for most guys hanging left. In class they other day they mentioned when you sleep your parasympathetic system predominates. Makes sense. However, I wouldn't have connected that to why guys have erections in the morning. Point and Shoot! Science is sweet.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

All the Bones in the Body

We've dealt with a lot of bones this year. (Insert mom joke here). And overall the bones have been relatively simple. There are tubercles and processes and whatnot, but they've been those pleasant structures that you can always count on for a few points on the exam. I was looking forward to learning all the bones in the body. It's the kind of thing you think a med student should know. Then we got to the head. There are 28 bones in the head. I did not know that coming into this last stretch. And these bones aren't just plates, they're intricate pieces of art like you'd see in a museum carved out of ivory sometime during the Shang Dynasty. I feel like they trained us to let our guard down with the bones and now we have this. It'd be like taking a normal driving test and then at the very end you have to jump over 12 buses and through a flaming hoop.


On a happier note, the NBA and NHL playoffs have been making my life much better lately. They haven't been the greatest for my studying, but I can totally concentrate with hockey in the background, right? I do miss Panger though. This Vs guy just used the phrase "Rockem Sockem Robots" while referring to hockey fighting. No.

"Dude you can shoot lightning from your mouth?"
"Yeah, it's coming from my Palpatine arteries."

I rarely watch Onion news videos, but every time I do they're hilarious. These are two of my favorites lately:

If my emetic center could talk:
"Delicious, delicious, delicious, stuffing is amazing, eat more Lucky Charms, delicious, NO! NOT TEQUILA! ABORT! VOMIT! VOMIT! VOMIT! VAGUS, FIRE FIRE FIRE! ALL SPHINCTERS OPEN! EVERYBODY RUN!!!"

5 more days of class. In retrospect this year has gone pretty fast. Each individual day or week trudged by with the speed of an arthritic turtle, but taken as a whole, it went pretty quick. I think they said we learned 5,000 words this year. How did my brain not explode?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I referenced a while back and we all basked in its glory. I found a different site that's similar in structure, but I found more hilarious. Some examples:

(631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

(440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

(860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
(860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
(860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

(802): i can juggle bunnies
(1-802): cool
(802): on fire

(919): I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.

That last one makes me laugh because I feel like when I drink and people know I'm a med student, they have higher standards for someone who's going to be a doctor in 3 years. That's just unfair. We're people too.

While researching for our wonderful Case Based Learning questions, I came across this, which is talking about the Posterior Parietal Cortex:

What it does

Nobody knows. Some of us care. When strokes blow holes in the right-side PPC the result is often neglect, a bizarre syndrome in which the patient seems unaware of the left side of space. Sometimes patients don't acknowledge their surroundings on that side, sometimes their own bodies seem alien to them. So it's been suggested that the PPC may have something to do with spatial processing. Other ideas include motor command generation, visuomotor transformation, multimodal integration, attention, consciousness ...

Those first two sentences told me this was a valuable resource. I think that's why my group doesn't ever get picked for "good examples". Also because I had 12 terrible puns about ballism on my slides.

So, a few weeks ago I had a dream about the homunculus. There was this Asian guy who was standing by this fence confused. Against the fence was laying the different parts of the body (in separate pieces) in the order of the homunculus. On the far left was the head, lips and tongue. All the fingers were separate and like 3 feet tall. And the rest of the body was laid out. I explained to the guy all about the homunculus and how it's mapped on your brain. In, like, a full medical explanation. I really need to stop studying in my sleep....

We had our 'Rusty Scalpel' BBQ at the manor tonight. It was delicious. And you know what? Even without one of my abducens, a detached optic chiasm, and missing parts of IX and X, it still tasted delicious.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tribute to Hubble

This truly gigantic picture goes through different things in space and shows you just how small we really are. But just when you start feeling insignificant, the last pictures make us look at the universe in a whole new light. (It won't blow up enough, so you might want to save it and view it from there so you can read the text.)

As easy as it is to think that life doesn't exist anywhere else, there's no way that's true. There's a good chance life exists on one of the moons of Saturn (Titan). It has stable liquid and likely water. Not intelligent life, but life. And with all those galaxies in just some tiny portion of the sky, there are a nearly infinite amount of galaxies out there, each with billions of stars, each with its own set of planets. Life has to exist somewhere else. Intelligent life has to exist somewhere else. We just have to get to it.

Also, the comment that that one galaxy shouldn't exist based on current theories makes me realize just how little we know. We're doing the best with what we have currently, but our theories aren't right, and we know it. There is so much out there we don't know and don't understand, but we keep striving onward. One day we will understand black holes, that galaxy, and how often life occurs, but not today. And not soon. The future holds such great knowledge and promise, I'm almost sad I'll miss it. What we can do today is appreciate the beauty of space and all the bodies it holds. And if you ever get a chance to go to a real observatory and look at the planets through a real telescope, take it. The first time you see Saturn, it'll blow your mind.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Hockey Journal

Friday night, my first hockey game in over 4 years. We have 6 skaters.

9:00 - My second time skating in a few years. It feels pretty good. I can still move well and handle a puck with relative decency.

9:10 - The game begins. I'm flying around the ice like I used to when I was 16. I can skate around people and I feel great.

9:15 - I don't remember being so tired after just a few minutes of hockey. Why are my lungs burning?

9:17 - I get the puck on a breakaway and skate down the ice as fast as I can. One on one with me and the goalie. I fake right and go left. My hands seem to forget how to flip a puck. I gently shoot it into his pads. Damn.

9:18 - I can't breathe. I think I'm dying. I take a knee on the ice before the faceoff. Why did I take that breakaway?

9:22 - I get my first break on the bench. Why do I feel like I was just beaten? My entire body is throbbing. No. Don't skate towards the bench. Dang...gotta go back on.

9:23 - I don't even feel like I had a break. My lungs are still burning. My legs won't move. I coast after people as they streak towards our net.

9:30 - The period is over. I sit on the ice, not talking to anyone.

9:32 - The second period starts. I need a new strategy. I can't keep this up. I've been trying not to puke for 10 minutes. We still have two more periods. I'm going to play defense for a bit.

9:40 - Oh crap, the puck is open and there's no one in front of me. Not another breakaway. Can I 'accidentally' fall so I don't have to take this? We're down 2-0, I have to try.

9:40:20 - Seriously? Did I just mess up breakaway number 2 on the night? What is this feeling? Did someone shoot a flaming arrow into my chest?

9:40:27 - The other team has a 3 on 1 going the other way. I could make it if I skated really hard, but I would also puke somewhere in the slot and not be able to move for the next 10 minutes.

9:41 - They scored. I feel like I should have been able to get back. I swear I'm developing Guillain-Barre. My legs just aren't moving.

9:45 - Coasting...

9:50 - Coasting...

9:55 - Just a few minutes left. I can't believe I made it. I haven't puked yet. This is the worst hockey I've played in years, but I'm still standing. I'll take the pride point for being alive.

10:00 - Game over. Loss, 6-0.

Saturday night's game went much better. John Sullivan finally showed up and was immediately the player of the game with 5 goals. I got 2 myself and an assist. I also blew another breakaway (4 on the year) and missed about 30 one-timers from Pete and Dave. In the 3rd period, we started sending breakaways towards our goalie so he had something to do. Ray deserves some special mention for Friday being his first game of hockey ever and doing better than I did in my first 3 years. Stay tuned for more news on Dragon 5. (We'll be changing that. I like 'Hemiballers' myself.)

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I think we ran out of Legos....

Why did we get rid of the block system? I liked putting all my stuff from a block into a folder and labeling it "Block 4" and then not having to look at it again. I felt like I was accomplishing something. Then, once we finished Phys and Micro and I made a "First Year" folder? It was awesome. This long, drawn out block 6 is starting to get to me. I feel like we're just building this tower of information that keeps getting bigger. Ya know what? Screw it. We're in block 8. I feel much better now.

Either a very confused for very hilarious med student:

Professor: The internal carotids branch and form the anterior cerebral arteries, which are connected by the anterior communicating branches. The carotids also give off the posterior communicating branches which connect to the basilar bifurcation which completes the loop.

Student: What you talkin' 'bout?

Does anyone look carefully at the diagrams in our notes? I sure do. Look at page 489 in the B&B notes. They show reflexes being taken using a CLAW HAMMER. That seems like a terrible idea. "We're gonna do a quick test of your clotting time, you might feel a little prick." *revs up chainsaw*
(I was going to do a joke about using a lightsaber to test for pupilary response, but Family Guy already did it...)

I'm pretty sure I was fighting the Robot War from The Matrix in my dream the other night. Maybe because I feel like we're getting closer to our computers thinking. Or maybe the more I learn, the more I realize that or brain is just a ridiculously ordered mess or wires. What are there, like a BILLION axons and dendrites in your brain? Who keeps them all in order? How are they not knotted? Are we going to be growing computers in the future? What's kinda funny is that I think our brains are already becoming sentient. Washington had a brain for his heart and he helped found an entire nation....
(I watch this video all the time because it makes me happy every time I do. My favorite image is where Washington's reading a newspaper as a British child is being eaten by a lion.)

Flocculus is a fun word to say. Also gyrus, meatus, putamen, and collosum. Meatus counts double because it sounds like a dirty sex act you'd find on urban dictionary.

Every day I wish I could control my dreams. I can never control what I dream about, but I can make myself NOT dream about something. Which is actually pretty useful. I'm going to try for the double negative tonight. "I'm not going to not dream about Marissa Miller." I'll let you know how that works out.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Kentucky Derby Megapost

My apologies for not posting on Thursday, I was busy, tired, cold, had a headache, on vacation, pregnant, sleeping, flying to the moon, building a Trojan Horse, trying out for American Gladiators, animating a new series called "Adventures of Captain Stapler", and fending off a dinosaur attack. So I was quite busy.

Why do we enjoy things that are bad for us? Because we know they're bad for us. Once we get to addiction centers of the brain, I'll give a more accurate answer. And you can have multiple standards about lyrical hatred. I sometimes wonder if you took the tune of a popular song and changed the lyrics to something ridiculous or just sang the instructions on how to put together a bookcase, if it'd be just as popular. I doubt it, but a lot of the current lyrics aren't much better...

One of my favorite drinks is gas station cappuccinos. I know it's just water, sugar, and some flavoring, but that doesn't make it less delicious. However, the more I think about it, I think it's because every time I drink one of those, it's because I'm trying to stay awake on a late night drive. Maybe it's more that my body appreciates the life saving properties those cappuccinos offer me. It's kinda like that forever appreciation you have for some who saves your life. That or they just put a bunch of oxytocin in them. On a similar note, I kinda want to know if I could make someone fall in love with me if I cooked them dinner and spiked it with oxytocin. I know it'd have to be over the course of multiple dinners, but still, I wonder...

So there are signs at the Kentucky Derby warning about being addicted to gambling. As I'm placing my bet, I start to wonder if I'm developing a problem. "I'm betting on two horses this race. This is the 5th race I've bet on. Do I need to make this bet? Why not? Is it really that big of a deal? It's just one more bet. I can stop whenever I want to." I wonder if that's what half the world's thinking right now about H1N1 if they get sick. "Oh my God! Is this swine flu? Is my entire house infected? Should I get Hazmat suits for all my friends? Did I make out with a pig in my sleep?"

I love Kentucky Derby hats. Mostly because there's no other situation where those hats are acceptable. I think we need to create a situation in which those hats are normal. They're not a casual Friday thing, but they might be ok for weddings. I think we could make that happen.
(blogspot is being pissy and won't upload a picture right now. Go here)

Who decided on the word 'dysdiadochokinesia'? They deserve a medal. Also, on page 584 on the B&B syllabus has 'corticostriatothalamocortical loops'. That's a twelve syllable word. Nicely done, neurology.

Awesome topical joke:
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

I kinda felt bad for the visiting incoming students. Not just for the girls being subjected to our lonely, frustrated gauntlet of guys, but mostly for the lecture they went to. When I interviewed at Emory, I sat through a micro lecture. It wasn't that bad. But a lecture on the Basal Ganglion? I'm taking the class and I had trouble following the lecture. At least they have like 4 months to freak out. If they would gotten to wear 3D glasses, it would have been less crushing and more like a Disney ride.

I always wondered why my muscles would randomly twitch and now I know it's just normal fasciculations. Super cool. Also, I never knew what muscle that was that bulged out when you clench your teeth. Masseter. Sweet.

My best pun from the weekend: Acupuncture pinpoints the descending pain killing pathways.

If you could pick a fantasy world to live in, which one would it be? Harry Potter, Star Trek, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, South Park, Halo? Those are all good options, but can you imagine how much fun driving would be if it was just like Mario Kart?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I Hate Mosquitoes

There was a mosquito on the bathroom wall today. As I went to smash it and end it's horrible life, I jammed my thumb against the wall really hard. So now I look like a cartoon character that hit himself in the thumb with a hammer. Don't worry, the mosquito died. I passionately hate all mosquitoes. We used to have this big wall in our kitchen where we'd kill mosquitoes. It'd make my mom mad because we didn't clean up the bodies after we smashed them. It was only half us being lazy, and the other half me leaving them there as a warning to other mosquitoes. I really wish I could meet with the head mosquito and agree to leave out a little bowl of blood that they could eat instead of them biting me. At this point in human development, the little itchy bump doesn't do anything to hinder my ability to live, so it's just an annoyance. I would be totally okay with being bit if they didn't leave mosquito bites. Also, beyond the mosquito bites, I hate it when there's a mosquito in my room at night and it buzzes in my ear. Really? Just bite me and stop pissing me off. It just encourages me to go out of my way to kill you. On another note, have you ever seen a male mosquito? They're huge and horrifying, but ya know what? They at least don't bite me.

I was reading some today, and this was my favorite one:

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

So I really want to dilate someone's eye and look around for a while. I saw almost nothing during the little physical we did. I mean, I kinda saw some vessels, but it was about as clear as a picture of Bigfoot. That's one of the coolest things we've done. Looking at the ear drum (tympanic membrane) was pretty cool as well. These are the 'fun' physical skills that everyone assumes we learn in the first week of school. We have no idea what we're looking for or hearing when we listen to the heart, but dammit! I know where to listen at least.

Is it bad that I get excited when class doesn't start at 8am? I know only like 20 of us are actually at those 8am classes, but still, it's nice when I get to "sleep in". Tomorrow's 9:15. That's fantastic.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Happy Green Light Day!

You know what's awesome? When you drive somewhere and hit only green lights the entire time. That's happened to me like 3 times this year, and it was amazing every time. There needs to be a phrase for that. 'Green light day' is super awful, but it's marginally better than 'green light bonanza'. We should celebrate the moments in life where little things go well. On the flipside, it does kinda suck that then I get to class way too early...

I hate it when I'm typing a website and I miss a letter or type ".ocm". I feel like my computer should be able to figure that one out. I know it goes to some Road Runner page where it suggests the correct website, but it should just go there and then have a little thing in the corner I can click in case I really meant "". Get it together computer, I should have to do as little thinking as possible.

I hate it when I get e-mails from the Gap or Borders about stuff. I know it takes a second to delete, but for some reason it really makes me mad. Maybe it's because I'm all excited I have 10 new e-mails, but only 2 of them I actually care about.

This chart is mostly correct, but it's not that I have no attention span, it's just that LOOK A SQUIRREL!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Completely Ruined It All....

Did you know that velociraptors were the size of turkeys and had feathers? Someone in class told me that, so I looked it up, and sure enough, it's true. I'm not sure I know how to feel about that. This is bigger than finding out there was no Boogy Man or that there were never any monsters under your bed: the one dinosaur that was actually able to displace the T-Rex as the most feared dinosaur was smaller than my dog and HAD FEATHERS. Imagine the scene from Jurassic Park where they're in the kitchens hiding from the raptors. You think they're safe until you realize that THE RAPTORS CAN OPEN DOORS! These aren't just some dumb animals, they're thinking, evil, killing machines. Even with the T-Rex you could just stand still as long as he didn't see you wetting yourself. These guys were different. These guys were for real. Now, imagine the scene again where the raptors can't even reach the doorknob. The angry raptor screams at the invincible door and feathers fly everywhere as it runs away in frustration. This totally destroyed a childhood memory and one of my greatest fears. I don't care if they're extinct, they're sneaky, and until recently, extremely dangerous. I'm not saying that they're harmless, I'm just saying it's the difference between Jason coming at you with a knife and Wee Man doing the same.

As I was cabbing to the reception this past weekend, the radio was playing the song 'Colors of the Wind'. "Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?" Yeah, that song. I was surprised that I knew nearly all of the lyrics still. I probably haven't heard that song in 6 years, maybe more, but I knew it immediately after hearing one line. There really isn't a punchline to this one, I was just amazed. And if you now have the song stuck in your head, bonus.

I've flown a bunch in the past year or so for interviews and whatnot, and I think the worst part of travelling is just how inconvenient it is now. Individually, I wouldn't care that I have to take off my shoes, or I can't bring water onto the plane, or I have to take my laptop out of it's case, or I can't have rubbing alcohol in my bag, or I have to listen to the damn announcement about not carrying items from 'unknown persons'. But take them all together and it just pisses me off. I've even been pulled aside and searched. I had extra time that trip, so I didn't care, but everything together makes that giant annoying hassle. I don't even mind sitting on an airplane for hours, I just hate all the crap that goes along with getting there. All that and how airlines charge for movies on the plane. Really guys? My $500 ticket couldn't spring for you to let me watch an infilght movie that maybe costs you $5 to show FOR THE ENTIRE PLANE? I know everyone's trying to save/get more money, but making me unhappy just encourages me not to fly.

I like how "Optional Learning Activities" = "Sleeping off a hangover"

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Social Etiquette

This has happened to me a few times lately and I'm wondering what's socially correct:

You run into someone you know, you're both walking the same direction, but they're on their phone.

What do you do? I'm ok with waving or saying hi, but once you both get in stride, do you just walk with them awkwardly and listen to their conversation? Do you attempt to not get in stride with them and speed up? If you can prevent the situation, do you hang back and wait till they're off their phone? I've done the 'awkwardly walking with someone' and the 'speed up after the initial greeting'. Neither felt right. One possible solution is to call someone from your phone so you're at least talking to someone. Extra points if you call the person you're walking with.

There was an article in Men's Health that talked about this guy who had to try to hit a target by throwing hatchets at it. Initially, they gave him a bunch of hatchets and told him to take as much time as he needed to try to get it right in the center. When they did it again, they had a table of hatchets and told him to throw them as fast as he could. Surprisingly, he did better when he didn't think. It's cool that your brain has those 'auto-pilot' mechanisms that were needed at some point in evolution. It's like if you're throwing a ball to someone, you never think about the distance, you just know how hard to throw it naturally. Complex calculations like that happen all the time.
Recent example: We were playing beer pong before formal and I went to swat a bounced ball across the room as hard as I could. Right before I hit it (arm in full motion) I realized that I was going to hit Damali in the face with the ball. It wasn't a "I hope that doesn't hit her." It was more of a "Damali's going to be pissed that I smoked her in the face with a ping pong ball." There was no doubt that it was going to fly right into her face, but it was too late to stop my swing. She was fine, it only got her in the cheek...

I had a spam message the other day where the subject was "write me back, bastard". Not gonna lie, it got my attention. One day, go through your spam and read the subject lines, it'll be entertaining, I promise. Most of them are ridiculous, but others promise things that only exist in fantasy. Things so amazing that even the idea that they might be real screams that they're not. Like "angelina jolie scarlett johansson sex tape".

Wouldn't it be cool to have a certain disease for a day? Just to see how it is and what it feels like. I think it'd help our clinical understanding, but much moreso, some would just be fun to mess with. Imagine if you had asteriognosis, how cool would that be? I know it'd be frustrating beyond belief to have permanently, but just for a bit, it'd be kinda neat. Or some of the balance disorders? I guess this would be more fun at parties. Then again, isn't impairing your senses the point of most parties?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Medical Sports Announcing

Happy Easter!

"He just broke through the line and sidestepped a linebacker. He's got some green in front of him, 3 more yards for the first down. The safety's coming in hard. He leaps! And OH WHAT A HIT!"

"Wow, Jim, he really took a beating on that one. You have to admire the effort of sacrificing his body for those extra yards. They're going to bring the chains out, but it looks like he got the first down."

"Hold on a minute, Neil, it doesn't look like he's getting up. The trainers are running out onto the field to check him out. Let's go to the replay to see what happened."

"OOOO, the hit is clean, but he comes down at a funny angle. This does not look good. I've seen plenty of those in my days of playing, and that's almost for sure a torn medial lemniscus."

"I think you're right. His whole body just crumpled as the safety came down on him. This could be pretty serious. You hate to see the star player taken out so early in the season."

"You're right, Jim, I bet right now he doesn't even know what position he plays. Or even what state he plays that position in."

"Too true, Neil. This is going to cause repercussions throughout the entire league. Such a young athlete... He won't even realize the effects of the vibrations caused by his absence for weeks to come."

"Just look at his face, you can tell he's in a lot of pain. He may not know exactly where he's feeling, but he sure knows something's hurting."

"One of the trainers has an ice pack on him. Hopefully that cold will soothe his pain some and stop further swelling of his lemniscus."

"This is such a tragedy. But to try to find some bright side, if that tear was just a little higher up, he'd wouldn't be feeling any pain at all. You gotta be thankful for what you do have sometimes."

When I was younger, my siblings and I used to get lots of candy twice a year: Halloween and Easter. The added benefit of that was that we all knew how to play poker and used our candy as chips. We'd ante jelly beans and raise a peep or two, but if you ever threw in a Cadbury Cream Egg, it was like going all in. And if someone ever called, so there were two cream eggs in the'd be like the last table with Phil Hellmuth calling Daniel Negreanu's all in on a nut flush.

I recently discovered the glory of Pandora. It's nice because I'm rarely in my car, but now I can listen to music all the time. I'm waiting for online TV to go mainstream. I know there is stuff now, but I mean just straight up streaming channels from Have you tried to watch stuff on there or on ABC's episode watcher? It's terrible. It's like the only thing I've found that can actually crash Firefox.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

More exam upsides

I wrote about before how much more I enjoy the Fail Blog around exam times just because of stress and being overly tired. Marginal stress and lack of sleep this week showed me a new site that has potential for common use. is exactly what it says it is. Granted, most of these aren't that funny, but go through a few of them, you'll laugh and then go back for more. This was the 4th one that came up just now, "this neded mor ball kciking." How is that not hilarious? It's a combination of extreme immaturity, complete disregard for spelling, and a true statement. Homer Simpson said it best, "Barney's video had heart, but a football in the groin had a football in the groin." Another quote from the site, "i am bleeding out of my penis" I can't even imagine what that was in response to. It could be anything, and that's why it's so good.

I also like exams because after you're done, usually that Friday night, you just relax. There isn't that nagging feeling that you need to read to keep up or that sense of impending doom. You have plenty of time till the next round of exams. "I'm going to watch dumb stuff on TV and then drink myself silly tonight." It's that pleasant feeling that can only come from intense stress. It wouldn't feel nearly as good without exams. It's like that sense of relief you get after your car spins out on the ice in the middle of the road, but you don't hit anything. Without the possibility of being t-boned, it's just not that scary. Compare that to whipping doughnuts on the ice in a parking lot. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, but it'd be even more fun if you had a few random light poles out there.

You know how the internet is awesome? You could think of anything at all in life, and the internet will never let you down. This game is one of those times where the inherent greatness of the internet shine through:

You can probably read from the site the premise of the game. ("beams" refers to lasers) Also, I'm trying to come up with a sentence filled with more win. "Robot dinosaurs that shoot laser beams when they roar." Here's what I came up with:

Bigfoot breakdancing at a preschool recital.

Bodysurfing on a tsunami....of fire.

Bacon flavored shampoo, with real bits of bacon.

Seven ninjas overtaking a pirate ship, but instead of peg-legs, the pirates have chainsaws.

(Ok, I might have stolen some of that last one from Army of Darkness.)

I was talking to my friend today and hearing about her day. During the conversation I made the observation that while everyone else in my life is doing normal things (going to class, selling insurance, working for a computer company) I'm taking a chisel to a human skull. And it's totally normal. At this point there's nothing more we could do that's going to be disturbing. I just accept the fact that during the day I go to school and do things that would horrify most people. Then again, working in an office would kind of horrify me.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

That's right, I'm making that bet

You know how Gross doesn't make sense until the night before the exam? That was worrisome for the first exam or so, but then we all knew how it went and didn't freak out when we didn't know what we were talking about 2 days before the exam. I'm kinda banking on B&B being like that too. I realize that's not a bet you want to be wrong on, but I'm so ridiculously unprepared, I've just gotta go with it. The only reason I didn't run out of the Friday review session screaming was because everyone else in the room was also laughing at the fact that they didn't know anything. Nothing comforts me more than knowing I'm not the only clueless one.

I love it when Dr. Giffin says during class, "It's not like this is rocket science." No, it's not rocket science it's BRAIN SURGERY! I can only imagine what the professors at Purdue say during their lectures. "Now, to find the proper trajectory you take the Fourier transformation of this eliptic curve and then triply integrate it using non-infinity restraints, you'll end up with a cube root of a Fibonacci number. Seriously, you should all be able to do this, it's not brain surgery."
(Note: That sentence laden with random mathematical terms probably sounds something like this "If you trace the path of the basal ganglion through the cerebellar-ilial junction, you'll notice some ptosis of the left lateral brachial plexus resulting from a stage 4 Trendelenburg's sign.")

So the other day I was opening a pickle jar, and it was really hard to open. Not like when a girl is being lazy, so she has you open it for her but legitimately difficult. I check for a plastic seal, didn't see one, so I really started to torque it around, still nothing. I break out the big guns for the next attempt and hear this crinkling noise. That tipped me off that something had to be off, so I checked again and sure enough, there was a plastic seal on it. Though I felt like an idiot, that was cancelled out by being proud of my manly ability to be stronger than the plastic sealant.

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Hey, can I have a rum..................and coke."
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big pause?"
The bear says, "Oh these? I was born with them."
(Say it out loud....)

Why do you feel better when everything is clean? I went on a cleaning spree last week, and for whatever reason, life is happier. Looking at the gleaming white of my bathroom brings joy to my heart. There has to be some reason for that. Satisfaction that I did a good job? Inherent feelings of responsibility? Knowing that I'm not continuing to live in filth? I really hope that gets covered sometime during Brain and Behavior...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Like Middle School, but Without Recess

If you've ever seen me drunk (or in Micro/BB lab) you've seen me go on some quite extensive rants. Some of them are ridiculous (blueberry yogurt) but most of them are just venting. This will be the latter:
What's up with this 3rd grade busy work? I understand the concept of team-based learning, but having to put together WEEKLY Powerpoints is a little much. Maybe if we didn't have other stuff to do, but I mean we forget enough as it is, without having to fill our time with mechanical ridiculousness. And, I do think drawing the primitives helps, but for some reason I'm against them FORCING us to do it. Why don't they just sit us in a room with an atlas and if our eyes wander off the page, they shock us? As much as I appreciated my afternoons off during the physician's office experience before, spending 5 hours today shadowing a doctor cut into time I really need to spend on other things. Maybe the shadowing I do on my own makes me appreciate this experience less, but I was in the ER for 8 and a half hours on Saturday night, so I think I'm getting in my clinical hours. This current experience seems overly excessive. And I almost fell asleep twice. With patients in the room. If we're going to regress back into our primary school roots, let me have nap time, then I'll be more aware during the time that I am awake. Since I hadn't eaten in 7 hours, I came home, ate, immediately fell asleep, woke up, and then got to work. That was like 9:30 when I actually started doing stuff I needed to do. I haven't reviewed the lectures for today, and there's no way I'm going to. (Don't even bother pointing out that I seem to have enough time to blog. That's completely irrelevant.) My only saving grace is that we have CFMP tomorrow morning, so there's no pre-reading for that. And, by the way, don't forget that we have an exam next week.

All those points above aside, I actually like the primitives. I think most of us have photographic memories, so they're just exploiting that fact, which is really intelligent. That was one of the fun things about being in med school, when we were discussing one day that we all have photographic memories. No time before this was I around so many people that could understand the concept of rotating things in their mind or 'reading their notes from memory'. And isn't it just a kick in the pants when you're taking an exam and you can picture the entire Powerpoint slide except that one word you need? It's usually blanked out like some practice slide in my mind. And that just pissed me off more because my brain decided to retain everything except that one word. I don't care that the background was a pretty shade of blue, I need to know what that channel was named.

I think it's cool having the brains in lab, but I can't help but be wary. Do we know where they got those brains from? They claim they're from last years cadavers, but what if they got them from the Ministry of Magic? Apparently anyone can break into the Department of Mysteries, so these brains might attack at any moment. Seriously, that was one of the things that bothered me most about Order of the Phoenix. It'd be like writing a book where the CIA headquarters was deserted and a group of 15 year olds breaks in and has free roaming access. "But that room spins!" Yeah, that really seemed to slow them down. That had to be the most half-assed magic defensive ever devised. Did some child win a contest where he got to design the security system and chose to base it off of a carnival ride where the room spins and everyone is stuck to the wall? And where was the security guard? AN ENTIRE GROUP OF DEATH EATERS JUST WALTZED INTO THE MINISTRY WITHOUT ANY RESISTANCE. Seriously, as much as wizards bash electricity, a couple of security cameras would have at least done something. And why didn't they lock that door? And not with some broom closet lock that can be Alohomoraed through, but some serious sealing magic. That's where you need the specialist who can hack his way through the electronic key reader. No, the door probably had a padlock with the key under the 'Welcome to the Department of Mysteries' mat. The only thing worse than the unbelievability of the whole situation was the movie. That was easily the coolest scene in the entire book and the movie skips the entire thing. That scene should have taken at least 45 minutes. They skipped the entire spinning room, the brain room, and the time room. It's as though the producers think I'm going to mind a 4 hour long Harry Potter movie. "Well, we have an incredible fan base that's willing to go to midnight showings in costume. This series created international dialogue on the loyalty of Snape, and is one of the best selling books of all time. I bet they just want a 2 hour movie that glosses most of the points. I mean, doubling our profits would be nice and all, but we're lazy." Seriously, the don't even have to write the script, it's already there. And I understand your concerns that younger children won't be able to sit through a 3 hour film. Then just release two, 2 hour films 6 months apart. Everyone would go see both of them and it would immediately double your profits. And then everyone would be happy because they got to see their favorite scenes and didn't have to have their bladder explode in the theater. Win-Win. Finally for the 7th movie they got it right and are making it a two parter. Seriously, the Harry Potter series is on par with the Lord of the Rings in its epicness and cultural relevance. The producers have a social responsibility to do this properly. Sadly, people are going to see the movies either way, and they know this, so there's no accountability.

The show American Dad isn't altogether that funny, but at least once an episode I laugh out loud. They were going through a list to make sure they had everything:

"Wire cutters?"
"What do you do to yourself before you wreck yourself?"

Sunday, March 29, 2009

What kind of a dream was that?

As I was sleeping today I had a dream that we were at some swim meet. I say 'we' because like half the class was there. Anyway, we kept all of our stuff in these lockers, and I kept forgetting the combination to mine. I couldn't think of the combination in my dream, but if I got distracted, I would open it. Anyway, we thought it would be a good idea to use a stethoscope to see if we can hear the lock click into place as we spun it. For some reason the very cartoonish nature of that idea didn't seem ridiculous to me. Well, it didn't work. After I woke up, I had to try it. I grabbed a lock and broke out my stethoscope. doesn't work in real life either.

Does anyone else get really giddy around exam time? I don't know if it's just the constant studying and stress, but everything seems hilarious to me. Around 1:30 in the morning the night before the Biochem exam I was looking around at the failblog ( and laughing till I could barely breathe. The stuff wasn't even that funny. I try to enjoy the little moments during this year of torture.

Do you think the first time someone first cleaned out the skull he was like "Jackpot!" and just went to town naming stuff? There are like 900 parts between your skull and your brain. That's ridiculous. I did like the lecture where we all had skulls, though. It seemed like a rehearsal for Hamlet. (I was going to make a Bill Brasky joke here. For the two of you who would have gotten it, I'll drive an ice cream truck to school for the next skull lecture.)

*24 SPOILER ALERT* I can't believe Jack got exposed to the bioweapon... I think he'll be ok, but this might end up being he's 4th official death.

If I had to choose between invisibility and flight (and fast flying speed), I'd have to go with flight. I know I could be a great special ops guy with invisibility, but those guys are pretty much invisible anyway. And I'd feel like such a creep using my invisibility in most circumstances. I'm trying to think of a non-creepy use of invisibility, and all I can come up with is walking home through Over the Rhine without getting shot. Granted, that's extremely useful but I can just call a cab. But with flying I would never have to walk anywhere again. It'd be so much more practical on a day to day basis. And how cool would it be to battle with a bird? Every flight would be an epic event between me and my avian adversaries.

Friday, March 27, 2009

It's Everywhere!

You know how you have those weeks where you're a day behind? You could swear all day Thursday that it's Wednesday and then you don't know when the week ends? Yeah, that's a pretty poor excuse for this being a day late, but I did just wake up from a nap.

All the time when I drive now, I see medical abbreviations on license plates. "EDV-452" "PKU-118". Just yesterday I saw a car that had "ADA" on it's plate. I thought, "I sure hope that car doesn't have SCIDS..."

You know how our parents/grandparents aren't exactly good with technology? I don't exactly blame them because microwaves were invented in their lives, and the best thing they had was sliced bread. But I can't help but think some of the things they say are intentional. "Can this phone get the internets?" I feel like when I'm older I'm going to say stuff like that or use slang incorrectly just for fun. "That homework assignment is such a noob."

Can you imagine learning anatomy if all the stuff was in English? "Under the stern mother is the spider matter which covers the brain." Really? I couldn't even take that seriously. Last block was mostly correct with the flexors and brevis and whatnot, but sphenoid probably means something like butterfly. "Seriously? They named it the 'butterfly bone'?" I'm happy this is all thinly veiled Latin terminology.

Globoside: the glycolipid that's better than you, and he knows it.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Spring Break

As it turns out, Pedialyte does wonders for preventing and curing hangovers. For those of you who saw me on the Friday after exams, that was my negative control night. Our first night in Panama City Beach, I made sure to drink of bunch before bed, and I woke up feeling great. It's a must have for every fridge.

The most SPRING BREAK!!! moment down in PCB was when we saw this giant John Deere farm implement flying down the beach. Driven by three drunken frat guys. They decided to do a doughnut in the sand right in front of us. I was legitimately concerned. For some reason I doubt they got caught. At least the only death we heard about was from alcohol and not from being crushed by a tractor.

In real-world clinical news, we were grilling out one night near the pool. A guy was on the second floor and his friends down in the hot tub wanted him to come down. His alcohol-addled judgment thought it would be a good idea to lower himself down and then jump. We're watching as this guy hangs down from the second floor of this parking garage and then lets go. This was like a real life YouTube video. As he's falling, his legs clip a railing and he flips back and lands awkwardly on his neck/side. Thankfully he sat right up because there was a good chance we were going to have to use our cervical spine stabilizing skills. Basil and I jog over there, and the guy is holding an obviously broken wrist. Basil worked as an EMT and on a trauma team, so he checks the guy out and says it's a broken radius. The guy's impressive BAC managed to keep his pain at a 5, but he was still not doing so well. Meanwhile, his friends are laughing from the hot tub and trying to throw him a beer. We're like "Hey guys, he needs to be taken to the hospital." They disagree. "He obviously has a broken arm." They still do nothing. At this point the guy starts wandering around. We're yelling at him to help support the arm so he doesn't make it worse. Eventually he wanders back, and a girl offers to drive him. She may have been the only one down there that was legally able to drive. As we're getting him up, some friends of his come down from the elevators and are going to go with him. One of them goes to use a jersey as a sling. He ties it right around the break point. There is much screaming. We said just to keep the sling off and he'll be alright. Hopefully his buzz lasted him till he got seen because they probably weren't going to give him any pain meds.

A really sweet moment happened at the end of 4th block: I made a folder on my desktop called "First Year". It's so good to toss a whole class in there. "Get outta here, Physio. I'm done with you."

Does anyone else think the 'buccinator' needs to be renamed 'baconator'? Seriously, I can't look at that without thinking about two beef patties, cheese, and six strips of crispy bacon.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

My Organs have a Conversation...

This conversation began about 20 minutes into the Biochem exam on Monday:

Stomach: *YAWN* What's going on guys? I just caught a quick nappy nap to get charged up for tonight.

Heart: Shhh! Brain's taking an exam.

Lungs: Dude, leave him alone, he needs to concentrate.

Stomach: Whatever man, we should go do something. Hey Intestines! Wake up!

Intestines: What's going on, man? Is it time to PAR-TAY?

Heart: No! Stop it, Brain needs quiet.

Nerves: Brain, we have reports of action occurring in the digestive system, please advise.

Brain: Guys! What are you doing!? I need to take this exam, it just started. Now what's going on down there?

Stomach: The rest of the body is being lame, and me and Intestines want to go have some fun.

Brain: Totally not okay right now. I need to get back to work, I better not hear you again.

Hand: This sucks man, I hate having to draw just in these tiny circles....

Lungs: Did you hear that Stomach and Intestines? Settle down and leave everyone else alone.

Intestines: Sure, that sounds exactly like something I'm going to do. *making the wanking motion* Stomach, if they're not going to go out and have some fun, let's have a party in here.

Stomach: I can dig that. Let me turn on some beats. *Huge bass bumping*

Heart: Turn that off! Brain is going to get pissed!

Nerves: Brain, more bad news. There is a lot of rumbling going on in the intestinal tract. This hurts quite a bit and isn't getting any better.


Intestines: Dude, you need to calm down. We're just hanging out down, having a little party. Pancreas brought a keg and we're just rocking out.

Brain: I can't handle this right now. You guys need to give me 3 hours of peace. Is that really too much to ask? Stomach, I mean it, if you don't calm down, I'm not going to go to Chipotle for a month.

Stomach: Oh, we're threatening each other are we? Fine. Intestines, you think you can help me with a little 'evacuation' procedure?

Intestines: OH YEAH! My little sigmoid arm is primed and ready. External Sphincter isn't going to know what hit him.

Brain: NO! No, anything but that. Fine, can you guys just give me an hour to finish this? I swear I'll go as fast as I can.

Stomach: Alright, you have an hour, but after that, we can't be responsible for what happens.

Brain: Why couldn't this happen during Micro...

I won't be posting again till after break because I'll be down in Panama City, Florida enjoying the beach and lack of school. I'll let you know how the Pedialyte experiment goes upon my return.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Little Med School Moments

I love those little moments in med school where I'm really happy I learned something. Like how we learned that because the left testicular vein is attached to the renal vein, most guys hang left. Or how I explained to my friend where the symptoms of lactose intolerance come from. I've looked at my hands for years and understood that there were tendons there, but didn't get the whole structure. I'm still amazed that when you wiggle your fingers the back of your arm moves. Possibly my favorite is when I'm in the bathroom at a bar, and I can't help but wish I could somehow control my ADH levels.

For all of you out there having a bad week, wasn't Daylight Savings just a slap in the face? This was like the worst possible weekend to lose an hour. The only upside is that next week I get an extra hour to party.

It's Lent now, and I try to be really aware about eating meat on Fridays. But I feel like I've kinda taken it too far. Like before I went to make a cup of tea, I was like, "Whoa! Is there meat in this?" I'm not saying I wouldn't drink bacon flavored tea, I'm just saying I don't have any.

Was anyone else super excited when Dr. Menon FOILed (p+q)^2? I haven't seen that in forever.

There are moments where I'm disappointed with myself. Like during the upper limb joint clinical correlation there was a picture of a guy with his wrist cut almost completely off from medial to lateral with a radial saw. And all I could think of was, "Well, wouldn't that be an ulnar saw?" That's a terrible joke, and I still told Bill.

So I've been getting kinda sick lately, and I realized that after almost a year of med school I have no advantage in treating a cold. Sleep, Zicam, chicken soup, and orange juice. That will be made up for when we bring a whole bunch of Pedialyte on spring break with us. My only concern is that inner voice in me that's going to think, "I wonder how well this stuff really works..." And then I drink myself into oblivion to test the upper limits of its rehydration abilities. It's all in the name of science so it's totally ok.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Exams = Bad Days

Yesterday I was in a terrible mood. It wasn't like I woke up and got punched in the groin by a gnome, then I'd understand why I was so pissy. I was just in a really bad mood. I suppose that happens each round of exams, and this one probably moreso. I think it's the combination of feeling unprepared, studying a lot, and lack of sleep that just add up and make us have those random bad days. And I felt extra bad because when I was in the Gross Lab, Jess asked me if I was having a bad day. Just totally out of nowhere. I was like, "Wow, I must look really angry." I feel bad because it's not the people in my life making me angry, it's school. Next time you see someone having a bad day, give them a hug, they probably need it.

My last car, 1993 Pontiac Bonneville with 240,000 miles on it, didn't have heat. It had enough that I wouldn't die driving it around Wisconsin in the winter, but it couldn't actually get warm. So now that I have a new car, I still don't turn on the heat. This past winter I would just be cold, but I didn't mind. I got used to not having heat and just dealt with it. I actually feel bad when I turn it on because it seems like a luxury. It's kinda like how we just deal with med school. "Eh, it's just how life is."

I was really excited when Dr. Menon talked about the fainting goats in class yesterday. If you haven't seen the video, watch it. It's hilarious.

Has anyone ever noticed how sharp paper is? We're constantly surrounded by large, rectangular knives. Why is this allowed?!

You know how you narrow an exam question down to 2 or 3 answers? I've noticed that in some classes (Physio) I'm terrible at guessing the correct one. Like, if I flipped a coin or rolled a dice, I would get better results than if I went with what I thought. But in Biochem I'm totally the opposite. I can usually narrow it down, and then I guess right. That was most obvious to me when I feel horrible walking out of a Biochem exam but then do decent, as opposed to feeling a little less horrible after Physio and then getting a punch in the crotch when I get my grade.

(Sorry about all the crotch punching anaolgies. Also, "die" is the correct singular form of dice, but I didn't want to roll a "die" during a Physio exam. I was dying enough already... And I wasn't wearing a tye-dyed shirt. Or casting metal on a die. Or dicing some vegetables. All I know is whatever I answer, no dice.)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The Whole Can of.....

Dr. Menon used the phrase "...that just opened a whole can of worms." and it got me thinking about how bad that would be. If I had a can of worms that got opened somehow, what would happen? They'd writhe around and a few would fall out onto the table. Is that really a big deal? That's more of an annoyance. "Dang it. The can of worms got open. I have to shove those guys back in there." I think a better phrase would be 'can of killer bees'. "OH CRAP! THE CAN OF KILLER BEES GOT OPENED! RUN!"

I just now noticed the little 'labels' thing on the bottom of posting. Not that I'm going to use it, but the examples it gives are "scooters, vacation, fall". Scooters? Really? That's the first thing you're going to give as an example of something to tag? Not 'family' or 'friends'? Scooters? Why not just say 'paper airplanes'.

On TV today there was a commercial for a degree in Criminal Justice. I was thinking that that sounds kinda overly important. "I'm going to bring JUSTICE to criminals!" We don't call our degree "Health Bringer".

You know who I feel bad for? The last search result in Google. Unless you're searching for something ridiculously specific, noboby's ever going to see that last result. Why even have 700,000 results? If I have to look past page 4 I'm just gonna redefine my search. In honor of that last result, here's a link to the last result in a search for "Medicine". I hope it's not porn.
Last Result
(It's actually a terrible acted video encouraging people to read the Bible.)
UPDATE: So, Google actually caps off the results around 1,000, even if medicine gave over 400 million results. That was probably a good idea. I'm still not making it to page 87 in a search.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My Car Thinks I'm Evil

So my car thinks I'm kidnapping children. When I throw my bag onto the passenger seat, the 'seat belt' light turns on and the car beeps at me. Now, my bag weighs, what, 25 pounds? 30 if I have some atlases in it. Who does my car think is sitting in that seat? Does it think I'm kidnapping a 2-year old? And if it does, why is it not calling the police? Not only do I have a child in the front seat, but he's also not buckled up. That's a double whammy. My car needs to have a light that means "Dude, put him in the back in a child seat." Or a light for, "Hey, creeper, stop kidnapping children."

I question the benefit of us learning the ins and outs of all the biochemisty we're learning right now. Not the actual biochem, but the techniques used to find all this stuff. Like, mentioning it in passing would be ok, but going through all this chromosome mapping is ridiculous. We can do all sorts of ridiculous things like sequencing stuff now. All that is completely obsolete. It'd be like not using preservatives in our cadavers because "That's how it was originally done."

I want to congratulate whoever came up with the words 'digiti minimi'. I can't say that without laughing.
"Let's call it 'digiti minimi'"
"Are you serious? That doesn't even sound real."
"I know, but can you imagine going to a conference and hearing doctors discussing that?"
"You can't name an anatomical structure based on comedic effect."

Speaking of things that make me laugh, Dr. Lim always talks to our Gross lab before we start each dissection. "Now, when you dissect the upper limb." (giggle) "make sure you use the board to put the limb to the side." (giggling louder) "The lower limbs are detached, so those limbs will have more mobility." (on the ground rolling). I do this every day.

The guy who won the Best Short Film Oscar made me feel good with his acceptance speech. He said he spent 4 years on the 14-minute film. Granted, after our 4 years we won't have a golden statue, but I feel like we'll have a lot more to show for our work.