Anonymous Madlib

Dear (respectful title) Giffin,

I am a huge (noun that rhymes with spooshbag). I didn't realize that medical school was going to be hard. I am also not willing to have a (noun) with you about my opinions, like an adult. You are a/an (adjective) teacher and spend lots of time (verb with -ing) us with our studies. Since I have (number less than one) friends, I need to complain to you about my problems. I also have no (body part, plural) or self respect, so I have to send this anonymously. How is learning clinical knowledge helpful in my future career? Also, I believe that professionalism is (adjective). Further, (completely false accusation about Dr. Giffin). Dr. Lim is also (adjective). How dare she offer to explain things in lab. That is (adjective). Since I am (adjective) I refuse to go to lab except during the scheduled time. This is my only contact with real people. In conclusion, I am a (noun) and will personally insult the (adjective) teachers we have at this (adjective) institution.

Sincerely,
(noun, pick something more spineless than a worm)


Here's mine:

Dear Esteemed Dr. Giffin,

I am a huge douchebag. I didn't realize that medical school was going to be hard. I am also not willing to have a civilized conversation with you about my opinions, like an adult. You are a/an amazing teacher and spend lots of time helping us with our studies. Since I have negative 37 friends, I need to complain to you about my problems. I also have no balls or self respect, so I have to send this anonymously. How is learning clinical knowledge helpful in my future career? Also, I believe that professionalism is poopy. Further, I heard you eat kittens. Dr. Lim is also a great teacher who is dedicated to her students. How dare she offer to explain things in lab. That is extremely helpful. Since I am moronic I refuse to go to lab except during the scheduled time. This is my only contact with real people. In conclusion, I am a wagonwheel and will cowardly insult the great teachers we have at this fine institution.

Sincerely,
Drosophila




After dissection the colon, I had to wonder, do any of my friends go to school and get their hands covered in human feces? I know some nurses, so maybe. I guess my niece Kaitlin has gotten me before, but that's a little different. Cleaning out the bowel was pretty gross, not gonna lie. Ours didn't smell at least...

Have you ever read one of the clinical boxes and noticed a symptom that makes no sense at all? Gross Anatomy, Page 58 talking about an abdominal aortic aneurysm, "sudden onset of severe, central abdominal pain that may radiate to the back; a pulsatile, tender abdominal mass; and hypotension and delirium." DELIRIUM?! Where does that come from. "Yes yes, pain, pulsatile tender mass makes sense. Hypotension, he's losing a lot of blood, and delirium. Wait, what? How does that even make sense? It's like they needed another symptom and just rolled a dice. "Alright, a stab wound to the chest will give copious bleeding, searing pain, and an uncontrollable urge to sing showtunes."

Do friends ever ask you for medical advice? Mine do all the time. Unless they have a heart problem, an ECG, lung issues, and lots and lots of medical data, I cannot help them. I usually just WebMD it and then tell them that I looked it up. Still, they keep coming back. I have 'History of Present Illnessed' a friend of mine. I was totally channeling Dr. Ricer. It offered no help because my last line is always "Let me take this to my attending, and we'll see what we can do for you."