Monday, December 7, 2009


No, Tiger Woods's (that's correct,even if it looks stupid) rampant affairs didn't inspire me to write again after 3 months. (It was boredom.) But, now that the body count is up to 9, I have to say, really? I mean, the story almost made sense when he had a longstanding affair with that Rachel girl. Ok, you have your girl when you're traveling and it's wrong and all, but it's only one. I'm expecting the headline on CNN tomorrow to be: PALIN COMES CLEAN: "I SLEPT WITH TIGER". I would actually believe it. If it was on Drudge, I'd definitely believe it. That brings me to my next point: if I ever get ridiculously famous, I just won't get married. "But you could have a Swedish model!" Yeah, but after having pussy thrown at me every day, I'd eventually break down. It's like an alcoholic going sober and then having a bottle of booze delivered to your door every day. And the booze is smoking hot.

I think holidays are just an excuse to do something that's not acceptable during any other part of the year.
Christmas: you can have a tree in your house and drink egg nog
Halloween: dress in silly costumes
Easter: laugh mercilessly as your children fail at finding eggs hidden in the floor boards
July 4th: blow stuff up
Mother's Day: call home (kidding! I love you mom!)

So i did some cardio after I lifted today and noticed that my body would barely move. You know how you're exhausted after playing a football game and your body just has nothing left? That was minute 2. Then I realized that I was hungover half of yesterday and barely ate. I hate it when Biochem works in the real world.

I love fantasy football. There's really no funny comment that goes with this, I just really like it.
Other things I enjoy: ice cream, waking up in the middle of the night and thinking my alarm when off but it's really 4am and I get to sleep more, snow on trees, the day after going out seeing someone that was out with me and both of our immediate reactions are to laugh, fireworks, fire in general, girls working out in tights, Bill Simmon's mailbag.

So I have a random level of control over my dreams. Not like I can break out a Hatori Hanzo sword whenever I feel like it, but I've started to notice when something doesn't make sense, so then I realize I'm dreaming. Since that's been happening, my subconscious has then had me "wake up" but I'll still be dreaming. I feel like my mind is playing a practical joke on me. And my only retaliation is to get super wasted and fall asleep. Then not only is my physical brain terrorized by 10 shots of Wild Turkey, but my unconscious has to deal with thoughts of dragons wearing hockey helmets.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

So Easy a Caveman can do It

I found a new webcomic called "Partially Clips". It's hilarious.

I love the Geico Caveman commercials. I know they've been around forever, but they're still funny. The ad campaign hasn't stagnated and lost the creativity, it's still the same joke, but it's continuously done well. Like the bowling commercial where the caveman hits a strike and the pin clearer comes down and it says Geico. Maybe it's because we can all sympathize with the cavemen because their "Geico sign" is that annoying thing in our lives that keeps showing up everywhere we go. It's like right after you get bit by a dog, there are dogs everywhere all of a sudden, or after a breakup, you see your ex all over. I say, keep up the cavemen, but I'd like to see it get more ridiculous. A caveman takes a girls shirt shirt off and she's wearing a Geico bra. Or, they go on vacation to Mexico to get away from everything and the Geico gecko shows up. And then that techno music starts playing and those eyes are staring at them....

I'm trying to think of something that went from out of control awesome to marginally terrible as much as Heroes did. The first season was so well written and addicting. After watching the 2nd and half of the 3rd season, it kinda killed the series for me. This was probably an idea someone had kicking around in his head for a while and then realized how awesome it was. The problem came in when they were expected to produce a second season. The quality planning and plot ran out at the end of the first season. Kinda like Club Dread after Super Troopers.

And seriously girls, when you get married, keep your maiden name somewhere on your facebook name. Julie 'Smith' Reed is completely fine. We can see that you got married, and then I can still remember who you are. High school was a long time ago, and honestly, everyone has gained a lot of weight.

Wouldn't it be cool if I could just play some 80's music and read my notes in different positions and then learn everything in just 2 minutes? Someone needs to create the "Study Montage" so I have more free time on the weekends...

Monday, August 24, 2009

What's the Year Again?

"I was born back in '84"
"Remember back in '97 when we went down to Florida?"
"I was in the class of '03"
"We're trying to have all hybrid busses by '10"

That last one just doesn't sound right. I don't know if it's the monosyllabacy (that's totally a word) or maybe just because it's new. This seems like kinda a big deal. A few months from now we're all going to start using an awkward year convention. Maybe just saying "2010" will be the answer, and it sounds more futuristic, so that's a plus.

Zoolander may be the greatest movie in the past 20 years. Contributing to that is the scene towards the end where Maury is telling Mugatu that he has everything backed up on his computer. He lays down the trump card with "I have two words for you: Zip Disk!" Anyone that's under 20 is going to think "What's a Zip Disk?" I love how they were supposed to be the next big thing and were replaced within a year. However, Zoolander solidified their place in esoteric reference history. "I have words for you: Sega Saturn!"

Alright, why does the WNBA still exist? I don't mean to downplay the talent of the women or women's sports in general, but are they making ANY money? It's like watching little league when there's a perfectly good baseball game on another channel. And as much as I hate summer due to the lack of sports, I still have no interest in watching mediocre basketball. Some things are great breakthroughs when they first start, but then need to die.
After writing all that, here's a fun quote from the WNBA wiki page: "Finance

So far the WNBA has not mirrored the monetary success of the NBA, though it targets profitability. While some teams do make a profit (and others break even), most of the teams in the WNBA lose money each season. Losses are subsidized by the NBA; in 2003, news surfaced that the NBA spent up to $12 million a year to help pay for the WNBA losses but no recent article has been published with updated numbers since then.

However, in a March 12, 2009 article, NBA commissioner David Stern said that in the bad economy, "the NBA is far less profitable than the WNBA. We're losing a lot of money amongst a large number of teams. We're budgeting the WNBA to break even this year." [10]"

That's kinda like a guy at the World Series of Poker losing $2 million on the last hand and the woman playing penny slots in the back piping up "But I only lost $40!"

Now that I'm taking Pharm this year, my spam e-mail just became a minefield. My professor could be e-mailing me all sorts of drug offers. Just because "New drug promises EXTREME weight-loss" is the subject line, doesn't mean it's not legitimate. However, I would like to avoid any creepy e-mails from my professor promising to enlarge my penis. (Please save your 'small penis' remarks for the comments section.)

It seems like every year we go over some ridiculous concept that I can't believe they're actually presenting to a group of medical students. "This is the structure of an antibody." WHY would you need to show us that?
(That was for all the nerds who love puns.)

Thursday, August 20, 2009

And We're Back

Remember how in 1st grade you go out and get your notebooks and pencils two weeks before school started? I think I grabbed a random binder I had in my room the morning before my first class. My back to school shopping consisted of me looking around my room and removing notes from last year.

Have you seen those commercials for They remind me of the Snuggie commercials. You don't use Bing and all of a sudden you start banging on your keyboard like a monkey on amphetamines.

"What movies are playing?"
"Movies, films, filmstrip, vacation photos, vacation spots in Mexico, Montezuma's Revenge, diarrhea."

Seriously? Who can't do a Google search and not end up with nothing related to your topic? Yeah, there's crap out there, but it's not like Google gives you random crap, it's actually pretty accurate. That all being said, I tried out Bing and it was comparable.

As much as I miss football season, I'm still pretty undecided about preseason football. It's like a strip club in that it's kinda what you want, but it's never as good as the real thing. The one part I do like is the 'televised job interview' aspect of it. Especially after the first two strings are taken out, you know the guys on the field aren't on the team for sure yet. Every time a pass hits a wide open receiver in the hands, I have to wonder if his wife is at home screaming, "Dammit! You either catch that ball or you're working at Wal-Mart!" Because you know he's not qualified for anything else...

Also, I'm happy that everyone finally turned against Brett Favre. I hated him before it was cool, but I'm happy to have you all on my side. And the worst part? I really thought he was gone this year. That was an extra slap in the face. "Oh, his shoulder is torn and he wasn't going to operate on it. Ok, that has to be it." And then all this. I do like the storyline for when they play the Packers, but I can't imagine wanting to ever turn on ESPN that week. All I'm gonna see is purple and green. I'd throw in some simile, but NOTHING is purple and green. The best part? This shirt.

I have a new favorite chemical compound: Peroxynitrite. It's chemical formula is ONOO-. "OH NOOOOOOOOOO!" You know, because it causes cancer.

Friday, May 29, 2009


Welcome to the 10 o'clock news. Top story today is the alleged steroid use of NASCAR racer Jimmie Johnson. There had been suspicion for a while now, but after failing a drug test by having nine times the allowable amount of testosterone in his blood, Jimmie has been suspended. And yes, NASCAR apparently has drug testing. If you remember back to 2006, Johnson had just won the Daytona 500 and instead of the usual burnout, he picked up his car and ran a victory lap. At the time Lowe's spokesman Bill Nelson said it was just the adrenaline, but Joey Logano contended that that was impossible, no matter how excited he was. Not two years later Johnson once again drew attention during the poll qualifying runs at the Allstate 400 when he set a Brickyard record by getting out of his car and running 187.160 mph. That's when the investigation got into full swing. Multiple inquiries were made and 18 of the drivers were interviewed about Johnson's behavior on and off the track. Tuesday's drug test removed all speculation and all but condemned Johnson. There's been no comment from Johnson or Lowe's racing, but NASCAR drug enforcement official, Steven McNichols said, "What? Umm, we'll suspend him for 2 days? Who cares?"

(For those of you who want to fact check, you'll find this surprisingly accurate, and anyone who's a NASCAR fan will get the one extra joke. I had to look it up.)

While reading Dr. Pettigrew's notes on sleep, I couldn't help but appreciate the irony that I was getting drowsy. It wasn't that it was boring, it was just that I was doing med school stuff. used a phrase and I've been trying to work it into a post for a while but I just don't see it happening. The phrase was "That's so _______ it's almost racist." It just struck me as hilarious for some reason. Like, "That CFMP exam was so ridiculous it was almost racist."

I don't feel like this year is ending at all. I've been at such a high level of thinking for the past 9 months, it's gonna be kinda hard to come down. Kinda like over Christmas break when I couldn't calm down the first week. Wednesday night will hopefully be a good transition. Lately my liver has been bored. It'll regret complaining in about 5 days.

Have you ever really thought about reading? What you're doing right now. You're staring at a bunch of connected lines and it makes sense. How is that possible? Look at the lines. It becomes super hard to read. You can't just do that, you have to just take it in and let your brain decode the symbols. Looking at pictures that tell a story makes sense because you just have to fill in the transitions, but actual writing is just weird. Also, does anyone else see pictures when they read? When I read, I don't see the words, my mind just shows pictures. It's kinda weird. Like I could swear I saw some things in the Harry Potter movies, but they were actually in the book. It's kinda cool.

There was just a commercial for kgb, the service you text questions to. Do they not know you could just call someone with internet access or just have a friend with 3G. Either way, it seems like that service isn't exactly in huge demand. (Sidenote: I ended that first sentence with a preposition. Not grammatically correct, but it sounds more normal than "the service to which you text questions.")

This is the last post of the year. I've got lots of studying to do for the last exams, so I probably should concentrate on that. I hope you all enjoyed this, thanks for your comments. Have a great summer.

Monday, May 25, 2009


How have we gone through an entire class about neurology and we haven't once talked about zombies? Why do they eat brains? What special sustenance do they get from the collection of neurons? Is it the myelin? I bet it's the myelin.

So I was trying to construct a clever joke about an "uncal herniation" (you know, 'uncle'), but it just wasn't happening. It's not that good of a joke to begin with, so no big loss.

Lesions in your non-dominant parietotemporal area that diminish your ability to understand music give rise to a symptom called 'amusia'. I feel like that's inconsiderate. I don't find anything amusing about that....

How cool are neglect syndromes? Your body completely ignores one side and doesn't even acknowledge that side as belonging to itself. That's super weird because you can see your arm physically connected to the rest of your body, but your brain doesn't see it as important. It's stuff like that that makes neurology ridiculous. And then people figured out the pathways of why that happened is even more amazing. Brain and Behavior has definitely given the most interesting diseases, even if we'll never see most of them. I feel like if I became a neurologist, I'd seek out patients with weird disorders just because they're interesting. One of the most odd and probably least suffering causing lesions are when they mess with the valence system. The patient doesn't really care that they're disabled because their brain doesn't interpret the disability as significant. Ignorance truly is bliss. Also, I did the antisaccade test on myself. I even know which finger I was moving, and it was still hard.

FML break:

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

We're finally done with CBLs. I'm so happy med school has taught me how to half-ass a Powerpoint.

I like the weird, semi-practical stuff we learn in school. Like the anatomical reason for most guys hanging left. In class they other day they mentioned when you sleep your parasympathetic system predominates. Makes sense. However, I wouldn't have connected that to why guys have erections in the morning. Point and Shoot! Science is sweet.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

All the Bones in the Body

We've dealt with a lot of bones this year. (Insert mom joke here). And overall the bones have been relatively simple. There are tubercles and processes and whatnot, but they've been those pleasant structures that you can always count on for a few points on the exam. I was looking forward to learning all the bones in the body. It's the kind of thing you think a med student should know. Then we got to the head. There are 28 bones in the head. I did not know that coming into this last stretch. And these bones aren't just plates, they're intricate pieces of art like you'd see in a museum carved out of ivory sometime during the Shang Dynasty. I feel like they trained us to let our guard down with the bones and now we have this. It'd be like taking a normal driving test and then at the very end you have to jump over 12 buses and through a flaming hoop.


On a happier note, the NBA and NHL playoffs have been making my life much better lately. They haven't been the greatest for my studying, but I can totally concentrate with hockey in the background, right? I do miss Panger though. This Vs guy just used the phrase "Rockem Sockem Robots" while referring to hockey fighting. No.

"Dude you can shoot lightning from your mouth?"
"Yeah, it's coming from my Palpatine arteries."

I rarely watch Onion news videos, but every time I do they're hilarious. These are two of my favorites lately:

If my emetic center could talk:
"Delicious, delicious, delicious, stuffing is amazing, eat more Lucky Charms, delicious, NO! NOT TEQUILA! ABORT! VOMIT! VOMIT! VOMIT! VAGUS, FIRE FIRE FIRE! ALL SPHINCTERS OPEN! EVERYBODY RUN!!!"

5 more days of class. In retrospect this year has gone pretty fast. Each individual day or week trudged by with the speed of an arthritic turtle, but taken as a whole, it went pretty quick. I think they said we learned 5,000 words this year. How did my brain not explode?