Ridiculous
On a happier note, the NBA and NHL playoffs have been making my life much better lately. They haven't been the greatest for my studying, but I can totally concentrate with hockey in the background, right? I do miss Panger though. This Vs guy just used the phrase "Rockem Sockem Robots" while referring to hockey fighting. No.
"Dude you can shoot lightning from your mouth?"
"Yeah, it's coming from my Palpatine arteries."
"..."
I rarely watch Onion news videos, but every time I do they're hilarious. These are two of my favorites lately:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/worlds_oldest_neurosurgeon_turns?utm_source=a-section
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_slog_through_40_000?utm_source=a-section
If my emetic center could talk:
"Delicious, delicious, delicious, stuffing is amazing, eat more Lucky Charms, delicious, NO! NOT TEQUILA! ABORT! VOMIT! VOMIT! VOMIT! VAGUS, FIRE FIRE FIRE! ALL SPHINCTERS OPEN! EVERYBODY RUN!!!"
5 more days of class. In retrospect this year has gone pretty fast. Each individual day or week trudged by with the speed of an arthritic turtle, but taken as a whole, it went pretty quick. I think they said we learned 5,000 words this year. How did my brain not explode?
Congrats on almost being done with your first year. You and all of your classmates should be proud that you're well on your way to accomplishing a major life goal.
ReplyDeleteI agree that Versus has the junior varsity squad out there for commentators. Even the replay guys suck ass. I can't tell you how many times I've been watching the playoffs and a goalie will make an impossible save that makes me choke on my food and fall off the couch, only to stare at the screen in even greater awe that during the next stoppage of play, they just show the ref skating with the puck to the face off circle. I figure, well, maybe they're cuing up a montage of saves, right? But after three more stoppages without a replay, I have to accept that the great save will be lost forever. It's as if they hired a film-tech student right out of college that has NEVER watched hockey before. I'm almost inclined to speculate that the person might be from Ecuador or Africa and has never seen ice nor snow and is continuously mesmerized that the people are sliding around instead of sinking. The penultimate moment of replay ineptitude came at the end of the Bruins/Canes series when the Canes player (in overtime of game seven, by the way) hit the game winning goal OUT OF MIDAIR after it ricocheted off Tim Thomas. They showed the Canes celebrating for like seven minutes before showing the replay. Can they even call it "instant" replay on Versus? Maybe "delayed" replay or "short bus" replay? The motto for Versus should be: "If you want replays, get a TiVo." I guess we'll just have to deal with it if we want to watch hockey.
The one redeeming quality about the Versus announcing crew is Don Cherry's suits. Anyone who can mix green/purple plaid with orange polka dots and a neon feather boa deserves the key to the city (more than T.O., anyway). If you have no idea what I'm talking about, run a YouTube search for "Don Cherry is Crazy" or just "Don Cherry." It'll be worth ten minutes of your time.
If I ever get hit by a car, I hope I have my shoes on. For some reason, I think it would hurt a lot more to get hit by a car if I was barefoot.
Why do some guys stand there naked in the locker room for disturbingly long periods of time? In the locker room, there are certain times when you must be naked: showering, changing clothes, and briefly when you dry yourself off. I understand this. But there’s this unwritten rule that you aren’t supposed to be naked any longer than necessary. The policy behind this rule is simple: no one wants to look at you. Really. There was this guy yesterday at the gym who was standing there naked while he shaved his face with a blade; a five minute endeavor, at least. There was just no reason why I should have had to stand anywhere near this naked guy just so I could wash my hands. And to the millions who are reading this blog calling me a homophobe right now, that’s not what this is about. The guy shaving was probably forty or fifty pounds overweight with bacne that looked like a pepperoni pizza. This was not nice to look at. Also, he had a dick the size of a light switch. Why you would take the AMC Eagle to the car show is beyond me. And if these guys are standing there naked, hoping that a gay man will walk up to them and hump their brains out, fine, but go to a bathhouse designed specifically for that. The campus gym is not the place. And it’s not like there’s nowhere for gays to go here. This is Madison, Wisconsin; we have more bathhouses than Starbucks. Madison is like Israel for the gays in Wisconsin. All that said, I’m not sure these guys are even looking for that. I haven’t asked them and I’m not going to. Just please stop putting your junk on public display where no one wants to be around it.
Why do they put the year on the milk’s expiration date? I’m not a doctor or anything, but if you don’t know what YEAR the milk is from that you’re about to drink, you should probably throw it away. Grab a different carton to pour over your Captain Crunch. It just isn’t worth the risk.